Mr Jarvis Takes a Holiday
by RiverMoriarty
Summary: Howard Stark takes his butler Edwin Jarvis to a day spa against his will


Edwin Jarvis meticulously scrubbed each and every pot and pan. He affectionately polished each and every utensil before putting them in their proper place. As he looked for his own reflection in the glass and silverware, Howard Stark strolled into the kitchen with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face. "Good evening, Mr. Stark," Jarvis said as he continued his work.

"Jarvis," Howard nodded back at him. Howard leaned over the counter and swayed from side to side like a child wishing to share a secret. "Jarvis, buddy, when was the last time I gave you a day off?" Jarvis stopped polishing as he searched his memory for the answer. "I see those wheels turning and I'm going to stop you right there. The answer is far too long ago. You're well overdue, my friend."

"Thank you, Mr. Stark…"

"And I've got just the thing for you. Tomorrow I'm giving you the day off and you and I are heading downtown to the Peacock King Day Spa for a little R&R. What do you say?"

Jarvis set down the silverware and turned slowly towards Howard, trying to choose his words carefully. "Sir," he began, "forgive me for this but," he took his time, "why on earth would I want to do that?"

"Oh c'mon, Eddie. It will be fun. Look, I've got two reservations from Minnie Katz that I need to use. You'd be my special guest." Jarvis returned to his work.

"Sir, if you really wanted to do me a favor, you'd let me share that reservation with Anna. You said you have two."

"Yes, but I have to be there."

"Then why not invite Ms. Carter? I'm sure she would appreciate that."

"I can't show up to the Peacock with another woman. You know how Minnie gets. Even Cousin Peggy would come across as a threat."

"Ms. Carter is always a threat, but not the kind Ms. Katz would ever concern herself with."

"C'mon, Eddie. Do this once for me. We can treat out the girls to a spa day some other time, but be my wingman tomorrow. You'll be the most relaxed wingman on the planet. You could use a bit of TLC."

Jarvis took in a deep breath and relented. "Very well sir."

The following day, Howard and Jarvis took a ride down to the Peacock King Day Spa. Jarvis remained quiet and pensive beside Howard. "Buddy," Howard said as he shook his arm, "you're going to have a great time, I promise."

"I have great faith in you, sir."

"Here it is," Howard pointed out the window at the luminous building. Jarvis stared at the doors in disbelief that this is where he would spend his _day off_. He fought the urge to run back home. "C'mon, it will be fun," Howard said as he dragged Jarvis inside. The two approached the blonde soft-spoken receptionist to check in just as the bombastic Minnie Katz stepped out to greet them.

"Howard!"

"Minnie!" The buxom brunette wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly against her. Even from an appropriate distance, Jarvis could smell her. Once she released him, Howard offered an introduction. "Minnie, I'd like you to meet my good friend, Edwin Jarvis."

"Charmed, I'm sure," she extended her hand for a kiss. It took all of his energy not to roll his eyes, but instead he shook her hand firmly.

"Ma'am." She smiled politely as she pulled her hand away.

"Well I certainly am glad you fellas could make it to our grand re-opening. You boys are in for a real treat."

"I'm sorry," Jarvis turned to Howard. "Re-opening?"

"We're under new management, sweet pea," Minnie purred.

"The business was going under so Minnie came in to bring some new life into the joint," Howard said as he pinched her bottom. He giggled as she muffled a shriek and swatted his hands away. The mousy receptionist gave a wide-eyed expression to Jarvis who just nodded slightly. He was used to this kind of thing.

"Would you boys like to see some brochures; do you have anything particular in mind?" Minnie tried her best to gain Jarvis' interest. He gave her none of it.

Howard interjected, "We're up for just about anything." Howard clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "What've ya got, Minnie?" She grinned from ear to ear as she led them out of the lobby. The receptionist waited until they were out of sight before making a brief discreet phone call.

Howard and Jarvis went off to the changing room to disrobe. "You need to relax," Howard told him. "You're way too tense."

"Perhaps by the end of this day, that shall be rectified," Jarvis replied as he removed his shirt. The two men changed into mint green plush robes and white towels. They were given comfortable sandals to wear. Jarvis could not help but feel a bit foolish so he stuck close beside Howard as they awaited Ms. Katz' instruction.

Minnie started them off with a mani-pedi/facial treatment. Jarvis felt a bit trapped having all of his extremities in the hands of strangers. The mud mask tightened but Jarvis already felt a bit stiff. Howard, on the other hand, enjoyed the cucumbers that were meant to cover his eyes. Minnie snuck up behind him and whispered in his ear, "You boys havin' a good time?"

"You bet but, uh, it doesn't seem like Eddie's enjoying himself yet."

"Perhaps our next treatment will do the trick."

Once he washed the mask off his face and could feel the tightness of his pores, Jarvis waddled off to the receptionist in his sandals and robe. She was startled at first as she had never seen an indecent man approach the front desk. She had never realized Ms. Katz neglected to order longer robes. Naturally, she averted her eyes. He leaned up against the desk. "Excuse me, ma'am. You wouldn't happen to have a phone I could use, would you?" After she directed him and he thanked her, Jarvis waddled onward and made a call. He nervously tapped his foot as he waited for Peggy to answer.

"Hello, Ms. Carter?"

"Mr. Jarvis, you sound anxious. Is everything alright?"

"Ms. Carter, it would seem Mr. Stark has placed me in a rather," he paused as he looked down at his feet, "compromising position. I was wondering if it would be too much trouble for you to, um." He cleared his throat, "come rescue me?"

"Rescue you? Dear heavens, what has Howard done to you?"

"He's brought me to the Peacock King Day Spa." Peggy snorted. "I don't think you understand the situation."

"No, no, Mr. Jarvis," Peggy struggled to refrain from laughing. "I realize you're being completely serious." The laugh was then released. Jarvis cleared his throat.

"Ms. Carter, this is utterly humiliating. Do you think you can help me or not?"

Peggy caught her breath. "Alright, don't worry, Mr. Jarvis. I have a few things I need to do first but I'll be able to come save you."

"You'll need to come up with a story as to why I have to leave."

"I think I can manage that, Mr. Jarvis."

"Oh Eddie!" Ms. Katz hollered as she spotted him on the phone. Jarvis sighed deeply and closed his eyes.

"I have to go. I'm being summoned."

"Stay strong, Mr. Jarvis." He hung up the phone and followed Minnie back down the hall. Minnie took him by the arm and escorted him back to the massage room. She gave a quick wink to the receptionist who then made another discreet phone call.

"Alright now, Eddie. This is Dominic. He'll be your masseur today." Jarvis looked up to the muscular Italian man towering over him.

Jarvis whispered under his breath defiantly, "You don't scare me." Dominic let out an intimidating grunt as he unfolded his arms. Jarvis stood his ground and took hold of the towel around his hips which was beginning to slip. Minnie began to leave the room when Jarvis turned to her. "Ms. Katz, where is Mr. Stark?"

"Oh he's just in the next room over, sugar, waiting for me," she said as she gave an impish smirk. "I'll leave you now in Dom's capable hands." She gave Dominic a wink and walked out the door. Dominic gestured to Jarvis to lie down on his massage table. As he stepped toward the table, Dominic stopped him to take off his robe. As if Jarvis didn't feel vulnerable enough, now he felt cold. Dominic proceeded to set the atmosphere by lighting candles and incense. Dominic handed Jarvis a set of earplugs.

"What's this for?" Jarvis asked with a tinge of fear. Dominic gestured to his ears.

"No noise. More peaceful."

Jarvis reluctantly got into position using the ear plugs and whispered under his breath, "Great, I'm in the hands of a Neanderthal." Dominic prepared his massaging oil and began to work his back. Within just a few moments, Jarvis' tension melted away. He reached a level of tranquility he had never experienced before. He felt his mind begin to drift as Dominic worked his magic hands over his neck, shoulders, and back. With the plugs in his ears and his mind in a trance, Jarvis was completely oblivious to the struggle going on in the next room between Howard and two Russian spies. In spite of the commotion going on just next door, Jarvis fantasized about taking a tropical vacation with his best friends Howard and Peggy. Admittedly the thought of Peggy in her swimwear made him blush.

At that very moment, Peggy had finished her errands and was now calling a cab. She was just as oblivious as Jarvis was to the danger at the Peacock King.

Minnie stumbled through the door, waking Jarvis from his reverie. "Eddie!" she smiled wildly, looking more than a bit frazzled. Jarvis, still sleepy eyed, got up.

"Ms. Katz." He held his towel strategically and remained calm. Dominic left the room but Jarvis was too serene to notice.

"Are you ready to try the sauna?"

"Well, I thought that…"

"Of course you are. Come along." She rushed him off into the next room.

"What about my fluffy robe?"

"You won't need it!"

"What about Howard?"

"You won't need him… I mean he'll be in there in a moment. Just… get in there!" She practically shoved him into the sauna.

Meanwhile, Peggy entered the spa lobby but found no one at the front desk. She thought this seemed suspicious and continued on in search of her friends.

Jarvis got comfortable and began to doze off. Howard stumbled into the sauna room holding tightly to his towel and took a seat beside Jarvis. "Hey buddy. Jarvis, buddy, wake up." He shook his arm and released him once he responded.

"Oh, hey Starky, phht!" Jarvis broke into laughter. Howard wasn't amused.

"C'mon, Eddie, we've got to get out of here. C'mon, get up."

"No," the word shocked him as it left his lips. He wasn't used to saying no, especially to Mr. Stark. "I finally got comfortable. Look at me. I'm relaxed! Isn't that what you wanted?" Howard actually felt bad realizing just how rare this was for Jarvis. He didn't want to take this moment away from him.

The room progressed from steamy to a thick fog that hid the intruders preparing to attack. Peggy began to call out for Jarvis and Howard and came running once she heard a loud commotion. There was a loud thud and then silence behind the sauna room door. Peggy pushed it open and the steam escaped.

As the fog dissipated, Peggy found Edwin Jarvis in nothing but a towel, breathing heavily while standing over a couple of thugs incapacitated on the floor. Howard Stark, also in a towel, stood behind him in awe.

"All I wanted was one day of peace to myself," Jarvis declared. He took in a deep breath, looked up and said, "Ms. Carter, I'm glad you could make it." He quietly and calmly stepped over the bodies and out the door. Peggy felt flustered, shocked, and genuinely confused.

After a few seconds, Howard and Peggy acknowledged one another. Howard exited the sauna and said, "I'll explain later. First, I've got to make a call."

"Where is my robe?" Jarvis called out from down the hall.

When the three had handled the debacle at the Peacock King, and Howard explained what had happened with Minnie Katz and her goons, they finally called for a car to take them home. The three sat together in the backseat, looked at one another and burst into laughter. Howard patted Jarvis on the back and told him, "I'm sorry your day off was such a bust. I've got to make it up to you sometime."

Jarvis smiled at him. "Actually, Mr. Stark, I was wondering if perhaps the three of us might be able to take a holiday together."

Howard grinned and agreed. "Of course, buddy. You could use a proper holiday. Peggy, are you in?"

"Yes, I think a holiday with you two would be a brilliant idea."


End file.
